Memories are like little puzzle pieces that build our mind. Those pieces can hold any past event someone chooses to remember, or not. Sometimes our memories are something’s we cant forget no matter how hard we try. Whether it be our wedding or a loss of a loved one, memories are both, good and bad. I have many memories that bring me back to my first day of school, or my last. One specific memory though, is different from the others. It is the day my life changed forever, the day my body was torn. Though now in death, I will never forget it….

The Saturday morning sun shines upon my body through my open curtains. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling thinking what the weekend has in store for me. I can smell food and I wonder what my mother has cooked up this morning. A knock comes to my door and I get up very slowly. My sister yells out its time for breakfast, I guess I took too long to open the door. Once I do get to open it my sister is gone, probably already fixing herself her plate. As I reach the kitchen I can see that my sister is scrapping the last of the eggs from the pan into her plate and gives me a crooked smile. I simply grab a cereal box from atop the refrigerator and pour myself a bowl.

My mother is in the living room using the house phone, holding it between her shoulder and head. She struggles to keep my baby brother in her left hand while trying to hold a cigarette in her right. I take a couple spoonfuls of cereal as I see her walking back and fourth, chatting away as my brother cries for his bottle, but she’s too “busy” to realize I assume. I drop the bowl into the sink half full, My appetite was lost at the thought of seeing my own brother not being fed. I grab the bottle from the fridge and take the baby from my mother. I sit back down at the kitchen table where my mothers boyfriend just looked at me and said “you should be the babies mother you queer”.

Keenan moved in our house when my mother was pregnant with my brother. I didn’t like him at all and he didn’t like me either. I seemed to believe that he only lived with us because of the baby, he needed an excuse to not live on the streets. He had no job, though he seemed to have money all the time, which he liked to waste on beer and hookers. Its ironic that he did because my mother kept us alive by selling herself on the street. She started that after my brother was born, realizing it would be hard to have food on the table for the three of us and Keenan.

My mother came into the kitchen and with a smile on her face said “I’m off to Vegas so watch your brother and sister”. she said it with much ease as if it were too easy to just leave us, alone. It wasn’t the first time she’s done this though so I was used to it by now. Every time she’s on the phone for that long I know its because she’s making plans with a friend. I knew how to take care of my siblings so it was no big deal, what I was afraid of was staying with Keenan. I knew that man was pure evil since the beginning, and I didn’t know if I had the strength to protect my brother and sister from him.

She ran off to her room where I heard her packing. I walked into her room and asked if she really had to go, but she simply looked at me and kept on packing. Before leaving her room she told me to not be fag and not ruin her weekend. As she reached the front door Keenan stopped her and asked for forty dollars which my mother refused to give and walked out, jumped into her station wagon, and left. Keenan turned to me and told me that my mother was a stupid bitch and stormed to his room. I asked him if he was going to help me with the kids, but he just slammed his door. I walked to the crib where I had left my brother before going to the room to speak with my mother and continued to feed him.

It was night time before I knew it. I was watching Spongebob Squarepants with my sister. I turned and saw that she was bobbing her head, she looked very tired. I picked her up and placed her on her bed, I went back for my brother and laid him on my bed. I laid next to him and covered our bodies with a blanket. Before I fell asleep I heard the front door open, I figured it was Keenan leaving. With my mother out the house I knew what he wanted at this time of night. It was about four in the morning when my brother began to cry, I got up and headed to the kitchen for a bottle when I heard a female voice. The door to my mothers room opened and a girl came out. She wore leather boots, an extremely high skirt, and a shirt that looked like it could have been a cloth wrapped around her breast and that’s it. She apologized to me, apparently Keenan told her he was alone. I locked the door behind her when she left, as I turned I saw Keenan standing by his door shirtless. I glanced at his erection through his jeans, and continued to walk to the fridge. He came up to me and said “what you looking at faggot? Do you want some?”

I had no time to respond when his hands grabbed my arm and threw me across the house landing on the couch. The bottle flew out my hand and cracked as it hit the floor, leaking milk on the hard wood floor. I tried to get up but once again his arms grabbed me and ripped off my shirt. I was terribly frightened, I had never felt like this before. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I heard his zipper and I could only imagine what was coming next. He through his jeans across the living room and pulled my sweat pants off also tossing them aside. I slapped his face which caused his anger to rise, he punched me right in nose. I felt the warmth of my blood run down my face. He swung again hitting my mouth. His arms grabbed my body and turned me over, I struggled but it was no use he was far too strong compared to me. My briefs were pulled off and my body felt paralyzed, I had no action, as if my body knew what was coming and gave up. I felt it slip in, very painful feeling, it stung and burned. At a distance I still heard my brother crying for his bottle which was still pouring onto the floor. I cried as well, that’s the only thing I had left to do. He finished his business and left to his room, by this time my brother had cried himself back to sleep. I laid there in silence staring at the bottle, now empty, and that’s how I felt…empty.

I walked into the bathroom where I showered, I felt disgusting. I coughed up blood, and my face was in pain. I got out, wrapped a towel around me and walked up to the mirror. I saw myself and couldn’t believe what I saw. Standing in front of me was a boy I didn’t recognize. He was ugly, sad, different. He was torn, a feeling only a poor boy like myself can feel. I couldn’t stare at it much longer that I grabbed a brush and smashed the mirror into tiny pieces, Now I just stared into the remains of my life and the mirror, shattered pieces. I walked out frightened that he would be there, but he wasn’t. I went to the kitchen for another bottle and locked myself in my room. I laid in bed listening to the sound of the rain hitting the window, the weather like my feelings were very much gloomy. It was relaxing for only a certain amount of time, I put on my headphones and turned on my iPod. I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning confused, I had no idea what I was going to do. My brother was still asleep so I left him. I got up and grabbed the phone from my desk, I was going to call my mother but she did tell me not to ruin her weekend. I placed the phone back down and headed out to the living room where my sister watched Dora. I asked if she was hungry but she told me she had warmed up a hot pocket already. I went into the kitchen where Keenan sat eating a sandwich, I walked by him silently and cautiously. I opened the fridge and grabbed the kool-aid. I poured myself a cup and a bottle and put it away. Looking at the ground the whole time I walked to my room. A little later I told my sister to join my brother and I and watch television in my room. We sat altogether flipping through the channels, we left it on the music channel because it amused us to watch our brother try to dance to the music. It was almost sundown when the front door opened, I heard a very familiar voice. “Oh hell no, can you believe Leslie broke her leg at a club and we had to come back.” my mother said. My sister and I jumped up, I grabbed my brother and we all went out to the living room. She looked at me and covered her mouth, “Oh my god Trent what happened?” I looked over at Keenan and so did she. “He got jumped over by the market” he said. My mother looked back at me and I agreed. I felt terrible lying to my mother about what really happened, but I also couldn’t tell her in front of him or the kids. She said she was tired so she grabbed the baby and went to her room, I went to mine, and my sister went to hers. About two hours passed and I heard my mother on the phone in the living room. I went out and sat on the couch. When she hung up she sat next to me and asked if I was ok. I told her that it was Keenan that beat me, but I didn’t go into detail. She looked so angry, I had never seen her this way. She was furious when she got up and marched to her room. I heard screams, I sat there until I couldn’t take it any longer and went into my room.

My sister knocked on my door but I told her to go back to her room and not come out, that mom and her boyfriend were just fighting. I sat next to my bed and began to read a book trying to get my mind off things when I heard footsteps. My heart began to race, it felt like it was going to rip out my chest. The doorknob turned but it didn’t open, my door was locked. “Open it Trent” Keenan said in a whisper. I jumped up and ran to the other side of my bed. It wasn’t long until he managed to open the old cracked door and there he stood in the nude with a sinister face. I couldn’t believe my eyes, he wanted another round. “you asked for it this time you little bitch, besides your tight ass feels so good” he said lunging at me. I dodged him and ran out my room. All of a sudden he grabbed my shoulders and threw me onto the bathroom floor where the shattered mirror stabbed into my body. I grabbed a piece and threw it at his face where it sliced him just above his eyebrow. He stomped down on my arm and it snapped, my arm broke. I felt so delicate, my arm broke just as easily as a flower stem, or so it felt that way. He picked me up and took me out the bathroom and into the living room once again. The visions from the day before flashed in my head and I knew this wasn’t going to be any different, except that I was in even more pain now. I tried to scream but he covered my mouth hurting my busted lip. Next thing I knew my clothes were ripped off like rose pedals, everything was much easier for him when I didn’t have the strength to fight back. He forced his manhood in and out, sometimes slow and then fast. My torn body was completely ripped apart now. I felt his breath on my back as I heard our bodies hitting each other. I felt dead, I had absolutely no strength to fight him off, not even the ability to yell out. I felt his warmness fill my up inside and I was glad it was over, he slowly slid out and walked to the kitchen where he grabbed a cup of water. I laid there unable to move when I glanced at the knife rack next to him. I got up slowly and painfully and limped over to him. “you want some more you little fruit? You like my big cock don’t you”. he stared at me then turned to where my gaze was. I jumped at him and grabbed the first knife my hand touched. He pushed me but I jumped at him again. He squeezed my broken arm and I yelled out dropping the knife. “What’s going on?” my mother said walking in half asleep. I looked at her shocked face and felt a sharp pain pierce my heart. Keenan had struck me with the knife. Everything went black, I couldn’t see. I heard my mother scream in the distance, all sound was very far away. I dropped on my knees then laid on the floor. The last thing I heard was unexplainable how terrible it was. The sound of a mother losing here child. My mother yelled out as I felt her grab me for the very last time, “NOOOOOOOO!”. I drifted into the darkness never to return, their was no white light at the end for me.